I’ve not been “feeling the love” this year.
When the new year came in, I was nonplussed about it all. Unlike other years where I used the opportunity to set some new goals and start afresh, this year, it was “meh”.
No plans, no goals, no resolutions. Just go with the flow.
The thing is, don’t forget that Victoria has been in lockdown for most of the two years prior so we’re all at this point of mental exhaustion.
We had one of the longest and strictest lockdowns in the world. Then we had another five on top of them. When our state premier announced that we could open up once again for the Christmas break and into 2022, thanks to the majority of our population (92-95%) being double vaccinated, we didn’t count on the Omicron variant to put us back into ‘voluntary’ lockdown again.
Many people are voluntarily staying at home now which has impacted the economy even worse than when we were in actual, mandated lockdown.
As such late last year and into this year, I have been having an existential crisis of sorts. Crisis is too strong a word. Just some mental rumblings.
I’m thinking whether what I do and work on is actually valued?
Is it important and relevant in the grand scheme of things of life?
How can I be making a contribution to those who are in need (not talking a profit driven business – instead, a not for profit or local community?)
Should I be looking for other work?
Should I be retiring from work?
Or should I be studying to do something else that helps others in my community?
Should I just become a barista or wait on tables?
How do I get inspired again?
I don’t know.
So I’m feeling a bit lost at the moment. My mojo has disappeared and I need to get it back somehow.
At the same time, I’m not forcing myself to get it back either. Remember? I’m going with the flow.
The last couple of years have been mentally exhausting. There’s only so much change one can experience before you “switch off”.
However, I don’t feel as if I have switched off more “powered down” for a little while just so things around me can go haywire crazy and I don’t have to physically and mentally invest myself into that chaos any more than I have to. I can instead retreat into my own shell, gather energy and come out when I’m ready.
I’m hoping that over time, it’ll sort itself out. It usually does. We have up and down days although it seems to have been a ‘continual’ low hanging around for a while for me. I need some kind of new breath of wind – something, anything – to jolt me into a new direction of sorts.
Rather than going out and finding this, I’m going to sit back and see if it finds me. This is not my usual way of operating – but these are unusual times we live in.
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