I would say that this month has been one of my worst months in a long while. It included everything from illness, emergency, doctors, ambulance, even a funeral.

However in hindsight, after all that, it’s also a month that has shown me what I will face more often in the near future with ageing parents – and the importance of having a support network of good friends around you.

The biggest scare was both parents coming down with COVID at-the-same-time. This meant they were unable to help each other out and as each parent do their own thing (and their skills are not shared), it meant one parent wasn’t eating properly nor could the other call or seek help because they were in bed too.

It made me realise the value of shared skills in a relationship. If one person is unable to function for a while, the other person can help. Both out, impossible for both.

When an ambulance was called for my father, I was in the middle of the sixth hole at the golf course, the one further from the car parking. I bolted across holes then jumped into my car and sped to his class where he was.

Just in time to see the ambulance….

I’m not going to go into detail here but the whole day went by in a blur.

Thankfully the ambos were convincing and professional to allay his fears and do necessary tests. Later I got him to another doctor for another look over. Not having eaten or drunk anything since morning exacerbated the situation. Suffice to say he is now well.

I’ve been helping my parents every day this month, going over there and helping around the house, cooking, getting medication, checking blood pressure and just making sure they have everything they need. They are over it now just the dregs of extreme tiredness and a raspy cough.

Then, our cat Pud was next.

They do say bad luck comes in threes.

Over the course of the week, we noticed he was crouching down to urinate at odd spots around the house, yowling and going to his litter box many times but not doing anything.

He was obviously distressed.

We took him to the vet who said to just change his dry food. The situation did not improve so we took him to the animal emergency hospital for more tests. They gave us painkillers which acted like a sedative to calm him down. Again, no change so back to the vet the next day. This time we were firm. We wanted him to have the tests done to confirm what could be wrong.

The urine test revealed Pud had blood in his urine and crystals. As I’m writing this, I’m waiting for the results of the blood tests. There’s nothing more hopeless then watching your beloved pet in distress and you not knowing what to do or how to help him. We were given medication which we have been giving him and this afternoon, was the first time we saw Pud as we knew him. He had his pee, he flopped onto his back for a tummy rub and he fell promptly asleep. I also bought some Feliway pheromone diffuser hopefully to calm him. So far so good.

So this month despite all this angst of medical issues with my family, it made me realise how organised I need to be now that my parents are ageing and also get in distress when these medical issues happen.

I’ll be the carer and I need to get mentally and physically ready for what it brings in the future.

It also meant that my life had to be put on hold for a bit – but that’s ok – my mind was not on golf, not on my French studies and well, writing?

All that stopped too.

I’ll need to learn when these things happen in my life, I need to stay calm myself.

I don’t function too well with surprises (I plan everything) so when they do happen, the best thing I need to do is to calm down and just wait it out; ask lots of questions and seek solutions.

Usually my modus operandi is becoming too task focused straight away. Bad move. In the middle of a difficult situation where you have limited information, this is not the best way to handle it.

It’s like my military commander kicks into action and I’m barking orders at people, drawing up lists, and co-ordinating everyone in some kind of military operation. Even the ones I’m supposed to be caring for!

I don’t like this style in me because I think you achieve more when everyone is on equal footing. If I approach it with pragmatism and calm, everyone will be calm.

So my lesson learned in May was not to take it personally when parents yell and put you down in front of others; not to get angry openly if they don’t want to do what you ask them to do; or get angry when they don’t; to be aware of their fears and just treat everyone with dignity in trying situations. It made me appreciate the difficult job our front line medical and ambulance staff have to deal with.

I’m not going to lie. This month was hard going for me but it taught me a lot about my parents and also about myself.

I’m moving into a new phase of life where I’ll be caring for them so I need to learn how to deal with this as well as look after myself when things get frustratingly tense. It made me realise that the best way forward is to remain cool, be the adult and acknowledge that everyone is feeling tense in such situations.

I also bought and read this book by Jean Kittson which also highlights what to expect. Truth be told, I’m not looking forward to it but I won’t be the first nor the last in this situation.

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