This week I listened to a podcast where Kazuo Ishiguro, British novelist, was talking about his writing process and he said something which I kept thinking about.
He mentioned that he has all “these ideas that need to be expressed and that I realised I had to be the conduit in which to make them come alive – otherwise they’d just stay with me.”
He didn’t say those exact words but overall the sentiment was that he needed to find ways for creative expression or otherwise, they’d never come to fruition.
This quote made me sad in a way.
I walked around the park and pondered what he said – I knew exactly what he meant.
It’s a BIG thing to realise (like I have) that I am unable to express my creativity in some way without being frustrated by the METHOD or the PROCESS of it.
That is, if I was a poet, I could write it in a poem and express my emotions in well selected words.
If I was a songwriter, I’d do the same in lyrics or music.
If I was able to write well, I could write it as a story.
If I was an artist, I’d be able to draw my ideas.
What happens though, is that I’m good at nothing – jack of all trades, master of none – and when I sit down to try, it comes out stunted in some way. Fractured.
The ESSENCE of what I’m trying to convey isn’t there.
A true creative brings out that essence in their art/craft/skill. They live and breathe it. It’s as if their work becomes alive because it moves us.
Meanwhile I get pen to paper, my drawings are childlike and crude.
My writing is simple which doesn’t convey the depth of my feelings and emotions because I don’t have the knack of making words come alive. (This came out when I tried my hand at writing fiction: The Despatch Driver for the My Brother Jack Awards). Most of all, my writing is too egocentric. I need to make it about me but not make it about me – make it instead, about characters who come alive through their own emotions, feelings, situations and environments but I am all those characters in some way as I’m the one writing them and bringing them alive.
As a result, I get frustrated. I have whole immense stories floating around in my mind. All unexpressed. All will have no life – and it’s such a waste.
For example, I play a piece of music and I have entire scenes created in my head as to how that music would fit that scene if it were a movie. I can see it all in my head – the characters, the story, the shots, the dialogue. Everything. Afterwards, I feel a tad bereft. Sad that all these stories in my head will remain just that – IDEAS.
I’m unable to breathe life and make them come alive because I am limited by my poor language, art, music, poetic skills. What I create is such a POOR imitation to what is in my head – nothing is as frustrating – and sad as that.
This is the bit no one tells you about. I can only speak for me but creatively I’m frustrated a lot and often. Except for those occasional times where i keep turning up and it just flows and then I think who was this? So my mission and advice hopefully I’m not patronising is to find what works for you. Because I’m hearing that the creativity is there already:)
Thank you Andrew! I guess we keep trying. 🤣
I feel the same frustration. I bet there are many many more that understand this feeling of frustration. It needs its own name, if there isn’t one already.
Mmmm. I wonder what it is really called? Regardless, it’s most frustrating. Imagine so much creativity in people that is unexpressed…
I’ll call it “Wally” when I bump up against it.
Interesting perspective by Fritz Lang on his film Metropolis. He said in an interview: “..should I say now that I like Metropolis because something I have seen in my imagination comes true, when I detested it after it was finished?” His technical skill helped him realize his creative vision, yet he was dissatisfied?
🤔 When i wrote my story out, I hated it too. Maybe Lang expressed it too well? Wonder why he hated it?
Once the vision is realized, I imagine it takes on another life of its own. For Lang, especially in late 1920s/1930s Germany. Lang got the heck out of there, which may offer a clue to his mindset.
For someone so poor at “expressing their creativity” as well as their “feeling and emotions”, you’re doing an amazing job of expressing the feeling and emotions of your inability to express them. For example, your mention of your writing being so “egocentric” and your desire to “not make it about you” is so on point with what I’m feeling with my own writing as well. That you’re aware of this and struggling to improve it means that you’re a better writing than you think you are.
In terms of expressing your creativity overall though, you need to realize that you’re a force of nature beyond words at times. So that inability to express what you can seemingly do so effortlessly can go beyond conventional categorization at times. All I know about you though is that you seem to embody play, doing and speaking about things that others often wouldn’t have the courage to do or talk about, yet you seem to dive into it effortlessly, like you’re playing in water, splashing around and having fun. It’s the reason why you’re one of the few Google+ people that I continue to check up on after all these years, as I’m always interested in reading about where your adventures have taken you.
Hello Nollind. Wow what wonderful words. Thank you. This means so much. I appreciate you sharing this. Too often we are hard on ourselves. I certainly am. Maybe it’s because I like to read great books, listen to great music, watch great movies, look at great artworks and everything is just awe inspiring and inspirational that I think, how can some people BE so talented, so creative, so free. Then I want some of what they have. So I dabble. But my dabblings seem to “miss the mark”. Maybe this is just the experience.
Great to read about Google+. Now that was YEARS ago. I’m off social media now and it seems a lifetime ago. Hope you are well and thank you again for your kind words and checking back. Happy 2023!
Hehe, I’m definitely my own worst critic as well. And like you, I like to dabble. I used to compose my own music back in the 80s & 90s, just for my own enjoyment, and I’ve tried to get back into it over the last few years. Yet when I’ve tried to do so, it doesn’t seem as effortless as it used to be. So ya, there’s that frustration when things don’t click. Yet at the same time, I think things just “click” when you’re not trying so hard and just playing around, enjoying the experience. In others words, the expectation kills the process.
As for Twitter, ya I’m off the hamster wheel for good as well. That said though, there’s something about the limitations of the short form format that really sparks the creativity in my writing for some reason. Trying to concisely articulate something in so few words. I’d like to continue doing it on WordPress, yet the platform doesn’t seem conducive to doing this easily, as it’s more optimized for long form writing (or maybe the expectation for long form). Mastodon does look better than Twitter but I’d rather keep my writing all in one place now rather than fracture it across different platforms.
All the best to you in 2023 as well! We’re definitely living in wild times!
Thanks for this. Yeah it’s interesting that the short form inspires creativity but WordPress isn’t created for this. I had the same issues too and thought maybe I could write way shorter posts but then they’re not exactly blogs or “tweets” and they’re not as “quick” to get out there. I tried Mastodon years ago then dabbled after I left Twitter before all the Elon debacles but then I realised I was done with the whole lot. I was simply, tired.