Yesterday I caught up with a long time girlfriend at a shopping centre near her home for lunch and coffee. We met at University attending Geography 101 classes in our first year at Monash University and since then, despite our studies and then, careers going on different paths: hers towards Geology and Education in remote communities of Kiribati and Broken Hill, mine in learning and development in business, we meet once a year at this time of year to catch up with our news.

Due to COVID and the inability to travel these last years, I’ve not seen her for a few years and we picked up the conversation where we left from also aware that these “missing years” were so transformative in our lives.

She mentioned she thrived during Covid, it allowed her the clarity to decide to change her career at 50 from education and move to health – and undertake a PhD – to focus on helping the aboriginal communities access health and education. She’s always been someone who I admired for her fortitude and action. She’s someone who can rally people yo a cause and create community. Lots of people rely on her and she seems to take it in her stride as she has and knows many people in her community.

By comparison, covid also was an eye opener for me in that I’ve slowed down. I explained where I was at this point in my life and reasoned it as taking time to reassess and really, come to terms with a change in life. A change in thinking. In the past, I would have run around jumping on the next big thing and creating big bold plans and actions but now, I take a step back, assess, and reflect that I really don’t need to be doing this.

Besides, it doesn’t feel that it’s pointless – it just doesn’t drive me anymore. It’s not important. I’m just as happy staying at home with my book or spending time talking and laughing with my parents. And, I don’t – and shouldn’t- feel guilty that I’m not a “productive” member of the working world anymore – that I decided to leave it albeit a tad early, before the actual retirement age of 65.

My friend was down here from Broken Hill to pack up her father’s belongings in her childhood home as he passed away a couple of months ago. She was helping her mother to declutter the house so that she can easily move about and also have essential items in easy reach. Later, at her house, she showed me all the work she had done in her time and there was a part of me that became saddened but also accepting.

I thought that this is something that I’ll be doing hopefully a long time in the future. The only preparation we have of it is seeing what our friends and family go through and it makes you think about ageing and mortality. It’s a rite of passage. To go through years of “stuff” and to sort it out – keeping some, handing some to family, boxing it for charity and the rest to hard rubbish.

Later that evening, I attended a presentation by Jacinta Parsons at the Elsternwick Library on her book, “A Question of Ageing”. I bought it as an e-book on the Kindle a couple of weeks ago and read it in one sitting. She talked about the rage that middle age women feel against a society that makes them invisible after they’ve served their function. She talked about how western society doesn’t have the concept of “elders” and in so doing, we are at a loss (because no one explains) what our new function is anymore.

(I’ll be doing a video review soon on that book too).

Anyway, if every day of our lives, there was some theme or focus, yesterday would have been on ageing and mortality. Where the passing of a parent means that the adult children take the reins and create some new order that underlies an unspoken inevitability and acceptance of mortality.

It kept me up last night tossing and turning coming to the conclusion that I don’t want this task on my shoulders and yet, when the time comes, I’ll do whatever I need to do and it’ll be ok….because that’s life. It made me realise not to feel guilty about not working, not producing, not being busy making and doing “stuff”.

When the time comes, I’ll do what needs to be done and for now, I must enjoy every moment of life.