Last week I went into the office. It’s been encouraged (although not mandatory), to go into the office on one day of the week when the rest of the team goes in. The intention is to meet with each other in person, socialise and a change of scenery (I guess).

I don’t mind going into the office although I’m still one of these people who still wears her mask indoors. To my knowledge, I don’t know if I’ve caught COVID these last couple of years but I haven’t had any of its typical symptoms so maybe I’ve been one of the lucky ones? Who knows…

Nevertheless last week I had an interesting question by a colleague asked of me, “What would you be doing otherwise? (If I wasn’t working)”

I had a think about this over the weekend and I have to say first, that I’m in a privileged position to be in to have choices. Also, I have been working for most of my life.

Ever since I was a teenager, I was working in some form or another. Everything from casual jobs as a teenager, through to full-time, part-time (now), contract, temp jobs, freelancing and at one stage, my own business. Even when I was in the Navy, I had some side jobs going for a bit of fun – and then when I left the Navy, I transferred to the Reserves, which also kept my hand in.

In my early years of corporate life, I had some ambition to move up the ladder in the Learning and Development field but it never transpired.

I think it was because I didn’t have a mentor; I refused to participate in internal politics and I didn’t have cliques. I was always an ‘outer’ in the corporate world because although I was well liked, had lots of networks and friendships, I didn’t tow party lines.

Instead, I sought out roles where I could work with entrepreneurial leaders because they were the only leaders I felt most connected to.

In their team, you could be guaranteed that no day was the same, you’d be constantly learning – and you’d have to constantly challenge yourself because they expected you to do things differently to what others may have done.

However the question that my colleague asked me stumped me for a while.

For some time, I had been thinking whether I stay or go from this company I’m currently working for. It’s nothing to do with the work or its people (who are intelligent and interesting) but more of a phase of my life and the state of my mind at the moment.

I’ve since realised this year that my work is unlikely to effect any real change or impact in the workplace.

I can bang on about communities and learning but I’ve realised that people, in general, are all traumatised from events recently but also about life in general. Behind the scenes, people are hurting in their own ways.

Life on the whole is hard – and it’s getting harder.

The cost of groceries, utilities, rent, petrol, mortgages, everything is uncertain. Mental health and wellbeing has taken a battering. I see people distracted, lacking focus and attention, stressed, not sleeping. People addicted to scrolling on their phones or using social media as a crux, an escape from the mundaneness and uncertainty of life.

Part of me feels that unless those bigger factors are addressed that make people in workplaces feel safe and secure, they’re not likely to be learning something new. They’re more concerned about making ends meet; keeping their job or just surviving the job they have without being swamped.

So in a way, I feel as if I’m only adding to the noise. My best option is to shut up or shut down; and instead, open my ears more and listen.

At work, I do what is expected of me but the big bodacious goals of developing strategies and creating programs has now lost their lustre. There’s no question that I can come up with them, after all, I have done these before but right now, I FEEL that they’re NOT the right solution.

There are more pressing problems around trust, psychological safety and mental health in the workplace. You cannot learn if you are worried about work or your family.

I’m only doing as much as what people can handle because most are simply not in the headspace to take any more big changes.

Also, another big thing is I have realised that the for-profit business model that drives the majority of our workplace don’t align to what I have been espousing around collaboration and community.

So it’s a moot point.

Instead, I now do what people ask me to do. If they want x, they get x. I offer alternatives only when asked because that’s when they’re interested to learn.

However, it brings me to a point where I start to think, “can I continue working like this especially knowing that other workplaces are in the same way?” Hence the question that was asked of me of “what would I otherwise be doing?”

In answer to this question:

• Sleeping. A lot more sleep (it’s restorative and good for our mental health)
• Spending more time with my parents
• Walking, jogging and meditating (I seem to have lost this for a bit – my mojo has been zapped by my work situation)
• Volunteering in the community through the Returned Services League or my local libraries or going to my local council to ask how I can make more of an impact in my community to help others
• Writing (I’d be doing classes in writing too)
• Making my home and garden more conducive to a place of rest and recuperation (more planting, more artwork, more craft)
• Reading more books and attending book clubs
• Meeting my girlfriends for long walks and coffees
• Improving my golf game (my membership has been accepted into the Woodlands Golf Course)
• Attending knitting groups in the community during the week
• Attending French conversation classes (French will continue to be part of my life forever)
• Building more in-person social connections in my life
• I’d like to take on a short screen acting course for a bit of fun
• I’d like to do a textiles course
• I’d like to join a swing dancing class for fun
• I’d like to do a 2 week French Immersion Program in New Caledonia

I know that if I was to stop work, I’d quickly have a full week of interesting stuff I’d rather be doing and in that time, I’d end up having a full calendar of events and activities that fulfil me. I’d be getting back to me – which strangely, is what we all should be doing (and our workplaces allowing us to do) to minimise the stress and overwhelm that everyone is going through.