So we are back home from a weekend away and reality hits me like a ton of bricks.

Last night, I got online and scanned through my Twitter feeds and became quickly disheartened once again with the state of politics in this country, the thousands of people displaced by the flood (a second time) in Lismore, the critical and dire state of our senior citizen homes where our most vulnerable are hurting and dying due to abysmal lack of staff and care, high rates of mental illness, the sky rocketing costs of living, and the distressful news of the Bucha massacre in Ukraine.

It got a bit too overwhelming for me quite quickly.

This morning we had an extra hour sleep thanks to the time change and during my morning walk around the park, I decided to delete the apps from my phone of my last two standing social media: Twitter and LinkedIn.

There was no reason other than to give me some breathing space from the noise.

The thing is that I’ve not been motivated at all this year to write, post, share anything work or learning development related as I process the world and my place in it.

I feel as if my work is completely irrelevant and meaningless to the bigger questions of life – it doesn’t bring meaning to anyone’s life. If what we do doesn’t add value, then why on earth do it at all?

What am I actually contributing to this world?

I’m so disillusioned and demotivated when it comes to this and there’s nothing in my tank anymore to give.

I’m biding time hoping for something – anything – to change but the more I see (and feel) that things are stagnant, or unlikely to change, the less likely I feel I want to be the instigator to change them.

The only things at the moment that give me something is my golf; my walking; being at home; learning French; spending time with my husband whose company I enjoy and love; looking after my parents.

I’m trying figure out what the next phase of my life is because things that were important to me before have shown themselves to be unimportant when you lose trust in people, organisations and governments and whose decisions are impacting peoples lives negatively.

So in times like this, absolutely nothing is of importance to me except the health and well-being of myself and my direct family members.

Nothing else matters.

I know this is a tad negative and there’s only so much I can control but it’s how I feel. It may be an indication of age but I also think it’s a result of two years of watching, listening and getting impacted by societal change that we are living through and making concessions on what it is you can control and what you need to let go.